Saturday, 2 December 2017

WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M A GEMINI



i've been staring at a blank notebook all day trying to come up with ideas for blog posts. actually, i've been staring at that blank page for months now. writing and creating posts on here has always brought me the most joy and satisfaction, but lately when i've sat down to try and write there's just been a mental brick wall. while staring at that blank page today i realised that the truth of the situation is that i just haven't really known what i want to say on this platform anymore.

while i've always loved writing and photography, this blog started as solely a fashion blog. i would beg my mum to take photos of me in whatever new outfit i'd bought. i'd always had a love for clothes, but turns out most of the time i actually hated being in front of a camera. i struggled with the way i looked and always wanted the creative control behind taking the images, rather than just posing in front. i also soon became insecure about posting these photos. i think partially due to fear of judgement from my peers at the time, but also those posts brought forth somewhat a sense of identity confusion. i saw loving clothes and posting all these photos of myself as vain and shallow and somewhat contradictory to the 'deep' and intellectual side i also have always had. i do now see my love for clothes as just another form of creative expression, with the colours and textures and shapes of clothing telling a story just like a piece of artwork. so while to this day there is that part of me that still really loves fashion, doing outfit posts of myself limits me creatively almost completely. which i guess is then where all this 'other stuff' started popping up.

if you've followed me for a while you'd know that i've posted travel photography and recipes and hippie bullshit and poetry and rants on a real range of different topics. since the solely fashion related post days, my blog has become a mismatch and jumble of different themes. i've never seen a problem with this or gave it a second thought really, up until recently. throughout the design course i've been doing this year the fact that i have a blog has slipped a few times, and understandably each time i'm met with a "what type of blog do you have?". and in response each time i stumble out a "uh its a mix of everything i guess", which is then met with a "you know if you focused on one thing you'd be more successful". i guess the fact that this exact conversation has happened a number of times started getting to me. i have all these elements to my personality and different things i like and i've been unsure of how to present those here, or which ones i want to focus on. i love clothes and spirituality and veganism and the idea of saving the world and poetry and photography and i guess i've just realised that i can post about all those things. screw people telling me i need to focus on one thing for my blog to be successful. i never started this blog to "be successful". i'm not going to limit myself or my blog to a label - this isn't a 'fashion blog' or a 'health blog' or a 'lifestyle blog', this has always and will only ever be an 'araina blog'. i'm not going to squeeze this creative platform into any kind of box. 

i guess this struggle to define and categorise my blog has been mirroring my inner thoughts of myself and my personality lately too. i've always had that real mix of loving 'material' things as well as exploring 'deeper' spiritual elements. recently i've been struggling with the balance between the two and trying to work out where exactly i want to sit on the scale of those things. i think my answer to that question will always fluctuate, and that's totally fine. right now i'm okay with spending one friday night reading tarot cards and journalling for hours and the next drinking and partying all night, or, getting eyelash extensions and going to a sound healing bath the same day. i don't need to fit myself into a perfect mold of a "spiritual person" or whatever to still enjoy elements of that nature. just like my blog, i'm realising that i don't need to be easily definable or digestible. 

my personality and the things i post on this blog will continue to be a jumble i'm forever working out. i think i will always be a walking set of contradictions. what can i say, i'm a freaking double gemini after all.


3 comments

  1. This post is so honest; I love it! I also started blogging, in high school, about fashion, but I had that same realization as you when I realized that that wasn't really the part of myself that I felt was most important or that I wanted to exclusively share. I feel most of that is just about growing up and becoming wiser and realizing our own truths. Excited to keep reading! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have felt like this a lot, and have never been able to put it into words. It's nice to know I'm not alone feeling like this. I love your blog just how it is!

    ReplyDelete
  3. What an amazing post, wow! I understand what you mean and I definitely agree that you don't need to be easily definable.
    And well, if it means anything to you, I love reading about everything you post! Actually, I think main reason why I love your blog so much is because you post about all sorts of interesting things - fashion and veganism and spirituality and poetry and travelling and many other cool stuff. So yeah, I love your blog just the way it is and I'm always glad to see any kind of new post. They never fail to amaze me. Just keep going, you're doing great! xxx

    ReplyDelete

© Miss Tasmin. Design by FCD.