Monday, 6 November 2017

SEPTEMBER - OCTOBER DIARY


well hello - i’m back with a new blog design and hopefully a new sense of inspiration and post regularity! as it’s been a minute or two i thought i’d do just a little update post recapping the last couple of months in my world.

september and october were both very tough and very beautiful.

i spent these two months hugging trees, falling in love with the smell of jasmine, buying a new car, snowboarding, drinking coffee again, kissing and crying. my days were filled with spring blooms, live music, meals cooked with love, heartbreak, old friends and new connections, sunshine on bare skin, solo dance parties, social media breaks, spontaneous hair dyeing, picnics of mangoes and watermelon, poetry books, gratitude journals, a million cups of chamomile tea, and so much laughter.

loverboy and i ended things for good which simultaneously hurt a whole lot and also felt really good. since first breaking up we’d dragged things on for eight months of back and forth which was partially torture, but he was my best friend and first love and it took a lot to walk away from that. when you’ve been head over heels for someone for two years it’s hard to let go of that part of your life. however, after the initial aching, it brought a real sense of freedom and relief that my energy no longer had to be spent on that situation. i’m so proud of myself for walking away from a situation that no longer serves me. it’s okay to outgrow what no longer works. it’s also okay to have growing pains from that.

in search of some temporary peace, i fell in love with taking long walks. having my sun, moon and rising signs all air signs makes me feel pretty airheaded and ungrounded a lot of the time, and getting back into my body can really help with that. getting out into nature and breathing in fresh air and that good ass prana does wonders to most situations. i also really tried to incorporate movement into my day. whether it be going for a long walk or doing yoga, i’ve recently found the power of exercise for moving stuck energy around the body so it flows freely. doing yoga flows to music became my new obsession this month. so dang good for the body and soul. leading on from that also sprung my newfound tendency to break out in solo dance parties.

september and october taught me the importance of connection. within those months i lost both my best friends from the past year or two. while these were both through my own doing and to better align the people closest to me with my highest self, initially it still left me feeling pretty lonely. don’t get me wrong, i completely love spending time alone and being the introvert i am it’s so essential to my wellbeing, but i do also of course crave that connection and love. i’m pretty sensitive to everything and do need a lot of my own introspective space, but i do think a lot of the time i perhaps place too much value on that and don’t fully realise or forget how much i do love spending time with the right people. connection is at the centre of life after all. i really reconnected with my old best friend, sinead (present in a lot of the above photos) which i couldn’t be happier about, and made a lot of sweet new friends this month.

i realised that sometimes self-love means yoga classes and face masks and crystals, and sometimes it means letting yourself cry in your car and going on long sweaty runs and telling people they’ve hurt you or admitting you’ve hurt them. self-care isn’t always fun and beautiful, sometimes it’s just difficult and painful. i drank alcohol a few times after i think not touching it for over six months. i guess i’d been so focused on healing and trying to look after myself and didn’t feel as though getting drunk aligned with that. i think focusing on healing and self-care by looking after yourself and journaling, etc etc, is obviously so incredibly important but i forget that sometimes just letting go of everything for a while and having a dance all night is just as important and beneficial for your soul.

similarly, i was taught lessons of balance in other ways too. especially that the dark/negative is just as, if not more important than the light/positive, because it’s in that darkness that we really grow. in the past few months i’ve felt a lot of shit coming up that i have to work on – the shadow work. it’s understandably difficult to want to sit with icky feelings but i’ve been trying to do just that, because there is no use attempting to ignore or supress them. you’ve just gotta feel through them, so they don’t become stuck in your mind and body. as always, writing through stuff has been my number one tool, but this past month i also tried talking through things with people more. touching back in with that deeper connection i guess.

i also worked on learning lessons of surrendering, patience and trusting my intuition. when i get stressed about things i’ve been trying to remember that i’m divinely taken care of and that the universe always has my back. just surrendering is so important because it’s when we try to force things or ignore our intuition that things start getting messy, as they aren’t aligned with that greater picture. because i’m literally the most indecisive person in the world (again, triple air signs), i struggle to distinguish between intuitive gut feelings. i think your sense/trust of that intuition develops the more you do tap in and actually learn to listen to it though.

as well as listening to my intuition, i’ve been trying to listen to my body in other ways too, especially with what i should be fuelling it with. i have been struggling a bit with filling it with quite a bit of (vegan) junk which leaves me feeling pretty gross. trying to pay attention to things that feel as though they're lowering my vibrational level. i do feel like i’ve been slightly battling this urge to be spontaneous and careless and maybe even verging on self-destructive. i guess when i’m feeling kind of off for some reason or another that tends to be one potential mindset i tap into. honouring that i am still a teenager so some of that is understandable, but trying not to sink into it too much because ultimately that isn’t aligned with how i want to be or live. i listened to a podcast the other day that gave the best wisdom: before making any decision, ask yourself if it’s what your highest self would want or do. if you were a perfect being of love. what would you take in and put out. what would you put in your body, what choices and actions would you take, etc. i love that. it’s such a simple yet profound way to live.


i was about to apologise for this rambling mess, but for one, you guys should be more than used to that by now and two, this is my own little corner of the internet and i don’t have to apologise for anything in this space. maybe november will bring less apologies and more thank yous. thank you for reading this. i really enjoyed putting together this post. i feel like aiming to do one of these monthly or every few months would help me pick up my camera more every day. i really do love documenting moments and having both photos and words to look back on. let me know if you guys enjoy posts like this at all in the comments below.







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2 comments:

  1. I love these pictures and these words. these last few months have been really tough for me too, but I've learned a lot because of that. I'm also trying to figure out the whole self care thing and actually take care of myself, and so reading what you said about that was very helpful to me. I always like your posts because you are real and relatable and yet optimistic at the same time. I hope your November is lovely!

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    1. this is such a darn lovely comment to receive, thank you so much. i hope this month treats you well too lovely xxx

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