Sunday, 18 March 2018


i've been feeling pretty off and flat the past week. trying to master the balance between making conscious efforts to feel better but also respecting the natural cyclic nature of life. flowers don't bloom all year. plants need both sunshine and rain to grow.

i'm trying to become more comfortable with sitting in pain or uncomfortable emotions. welcoming these perceived 'negative' emotions in and introducing myself to them as a friend. instead of asking "why me" when uncomfortable feelings come my way, asking "what do i need to learn from this". pain and sadness will always leave you a lesson if you're open to it and give it the time and space to teach you. pain is our biggest teacher. when you address the pain and acknowledge it rather than suppressing it, you own it and take control instead of letting it take control over you. the act of feeling through your pain will eventually lead you to a place of peace. its when we suppress emotions that we create lasting scars and rooted unhealed traumas. problems don't leave because you avoid them or conceal them, they become bigger because you didn't honour them. pain will continue to show up until you learn the lesson from it. the universe will give you the exact same lesson in different versions over again until you master it.

i'm terrified of stagnation. of feeling stuck. i don't want to sit in the confines of comfort. i crave the taste of freedom. of being untethered. the place just beyond fear, where growth is found. there is joy and expansion in movement. i'm bored of this city. i'm bored of already getting caught up in a routine. i'm restless and yearning for a changing horizon.

i have dreams of where mountains meet the ocean. dreams of photos i'm yet to take and words i'm yet to write. places i long to see and people i long to meet. my heart aches to be creating again. i want to be taking photos of everything and writing everything down and creating little films. collections and memories of all the beautiful moments. my heart aches to hear people's stories. people opening up their souls, whether that's through music or poetry or art or conversations, that's what i really crave. that's what sets my soul on fire. brutal honesty and vulnerability and story telling. i want to hear from people that have a twinkle in their eye and speak in poetry.

i long for conversations we grow from, not repetitive and shallow exchanges. i only want to say things that matter. i want to offer space for other people. offer a safe place for people to bloom open and unravel their layers. people deserve what's real. when you show up and are honest and vulnerable, you're teaching others its okay to do the same. 

i want the conversations i have with people to not have any limits. i want to get to the true essence of people. all illusions shattered and everything other than true connection striped away. i want to really see people and have them see me. we all have wounds and scars we don't want to expose to the sun. it can be painful and uncomfortable to talk to the truth in yourself and others. we need to stop hiding the depth we all carry within us. we need to stop associating pain with something inadequate. strip away the ego. strip away the fear. drop into your heart space.

people who don't truly see you or have negative judgements of you have their own reasons for that. that's not a reflection of you. that's coming from the place within themselves where they don't see themselves. where they haven't shown up for themselves and gone inwards. 

don't try to paint yourself as a hero or a saint. expose yourself in a way that shows the dark too. we are all light and dark. learn to admit when you're wrong or act shitty or hurt someone. there is grace and courage in being brave enough to own up to your dark. i called my ex yesterday. apologised for any hurt i'd caused him in the past and forgave him for the hurt he inflicted on me. how powerful and freeing forgiveness is for both hearts involved. there is great peace and healing in forgiving. 

i leave for bali in 9 days. i'm terrified but exhilarated to be thrown out of my comfort zone, living out of a backpack again in a foreign country. i think we find ourselves in the chaos. i'm trying to continuously strip back layers and unravel parts of myself. explore all the dark corners and mental patterns i've created. perhaps the journey isn't so much about becoming anything, but rather un-becoming everything that isn't really you.

Thursday, 22 February 2018


hawaii was beautiful and wild and raw and perfect in a wonderful messy way.

long days and nights filled with:

connections with the most beautiful, kind and generous strangers i've ever met. almost every single person i encountered was just so damn lovely. people that would go out of their way to help you. people that were just real and honest and interesting and inspiring. its funny because i thought this trip was going to be all about solitude for me, when in reality a lot of it was about meeting people and making those authentic and meaningful connections. despite thinking that solitude and self reflection were what i needed, these connections were actually what i was really deeply craving. while i'm grateful for all the people in my everyday life, man i needed to meet some cool people to really set my soul on fire and help me realise how many wicked connections i'm yet to make. i also met my 'internet best friend' of the past six years, amanda, which was both surreal and incredible.

running around in bikinis with muddy feet. i felt so in my element being barefoot and wearing minimal clothing while adventuring in nature. i think it was me getting back to that wild woman and/or childlike nature, as well as really getting in touch with mama earth. feeling the sun and rain on my bare skin. the elements of the earth. rather than being all caught up in my head like i often am, it really grounded me back into my body.

being so overwhelmed by the beauty of mother nature that i'd be left speechless or grinning or with tears in my eyes. often all three. moments would be so beautiful i didn't know how to contain it within myself. running through the pouring rain and howling at the sky. moments so pure and powerful and visceral. feeling so infinite and full on so many different occasions.

sleepy hours spent laying in the sun and sand. the best papayas and pineapples and fresh coconuts. the greenest mountains and the bluest ocean. rainbows and waterfalls and lush jungle.

surrendering and completely going with the flow. saying yes to everything. well, almost everything. learning to trust my intuition enough to say no. being scared shitless but doing things anyway. feeling utterly out of my comfort zone but knowing that's where the magic happens. being brave and incredibly proud of myself.

recieving endless luck and blessings from the universe. it sounds silly but i really felt carried by the mountains and the land. i understand why people say hawaii is such a special spiritual place. there's a real magic energy to those islands. someone told me that all the different islands are related to a different chakra. kauai, the island i spent the most time on, being the third eye. the third eye chakra is related to oneness and our ability to find clear intuition and inspiration. uh, relatable.

i really felt at home and so in my element the whole trip. i feel like i noticed a lot more synchronicities and magic, which always makes me feel like i'm in the right place or on the right path. the number 33 or 333 kept following me everywhere, which is a sign that you are receiving divine protection and guidance.

i was naive to think i would magically find myself, as i intended or at least hoped to on this trip. but in addition to experiencing a whole new level of adventure and beauty, i do think i found parts of myself. since being home i feel like the lessons i learnt there and personal growth have really started setting in. i feel as though i'm really stepping into my power. i can sense a lot of big changes heading my way this year. i'm excited to keep growing into myself. lots of feelings of independence and freedom and adventure.

i realised very quickly into the trip that i couldn't really capture the full beauty of any of the moments i experienced on a camera, so some of the time i didn't even try. below are some of the photos i did capture, in somewhat chronological order. just some snippets of pretty things and moments.

those islands stole part of my heart. maybe our hearts and souls are scattered all over the world, in places and people and memories we feel at home in.

i saw a group of travellers yesterday in a supermarket carpark and felt such a strong physical yearning in my heart to be experiencing that lifestyle again. my heart aches to be on different lands and surrounded by others living out of backpacks. to my somewhat surprise, i really did feel in my element in shitty hostels and strangers' arms and everchanging views with no real plans. my next adventure is to bali in 33 days and i couldn't be more stoked to step onto an airplane again and both leave and find parts of myself in another country.

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